Sometimes I get so caught up in my feelings of frustration, worry, or annoyance that I stop paying attention to anything else. As I ruminate over next week’s work meeting, how my family member is making a big mistake, or what’s going to happen to the women of Afghanistan, I fail to notice that my heart is racing, I’m eating too many snacks, or I’ve forgotten my sister’s birthday.
Getting lost in thoughts, fantasies, and made-up stories about what’s going to happen is neither helpful nor wise. It won’t help solve real problems or accurately predict the future, and usually obscures our ability to react usefully, with compassion and clarity. So it’s important to learn to stay wise, caring, and open in each moment.
Below are five steps that I take to help me stay present and pay attention to what’s happening both internally and externally. I encourage you to use them throughout the day, to help you find yourself when you’re lost and to orient your heart and mind on the true path—the one that leads to understanding, discernment, and connection.
Five Ways to Find Yourself When You’re Lost
Get Still and Quiet — Take at least five minutes each day to sit down without your phone, computer, or internet. Just pay attention to what’s going on around you — sounds, smells, light, air.
Check-In — Throughout the day, take a minute or two and silently ask yourself, “How am I right now?” A response may come in the form of words, images, and/or bodily sensations — just notice what comes up, but try not to get too caught up in a story about it. Just listen and notice without judging, or without judging the judgment.
Practice Mindfulness Meditation — Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Close your eyes and notice your breathing. Anchor your attention gently on the tip of your nose, resting your awareness on the air entering and leaving your nostrils. Then bring your attention to other sensations that are happening. Notice your feet, the weight of your body on your seat, allowing sound to enter your ears, taste in your mouth. If you start planning or thinking about something, let go and choose to return your attention on your breath at the tip of your nose.
Offer Kindness to Yourself and Others — Practice patience with yourself by sitting quietly and putting your hand on your heart. Then repeat this phrase silently, “May I be safe and healthy and free from fear.” Do this for a few minutes, then think of someone you love and repeat this phrase silently to them, “May you be safe and healthy and free from fear.” After a few more minutes, include everyone — yourself, friends, family, strangers, people you don’t like, and say silently, “May we be safe and healthy and free from fear.”
Cultivate Gratitude — A simple way to keep yourself balanced so you can hold both the sorrows and the joys of life, is to practice gratitude. Write down three things you’re grateful for each day.
MARK YOUR CALENDARS
January 5th, 7-8:30 — Our Annual New Year Intention Setting Ceremony at Shantideva Center Online. Registration at this link.
February 14th, 7-8:30 — Meeting Grief and Loss with Kindness. More info at this link.
UPDATES
As you might know, my new book Navigating Grief and Loss: 25 Buddhist Practices to Keep Your Heart Open to Yourself and Others, was recently published, and I hope you’ll consider getting a copy for yourself or someone you know who could benefit from it. And, as a new author you can really help me and my work by simply writing a short book review on Amazon, Goodreads, and/or Barnes & Noble. If you do, I’ll send you a free bookmark in gratitude for your support. Just complete the form at this link to get yours!
One-on-One Sessions: If you’d like to learn to become a reliable friend to yourself, I can help you. Learn more and schedule a free introductory meeting at my website. Students meet with me weekly, monthly, or as-needed.
GLADDEN YOUR MIND
On Thursday evening, wonderful teacher Bradley Donaldson will explore the topic, Our Responsibility to Life, at New York Insight Meditation Center Online. He’ll share ways we can offer our love and care without obligation, and discuss what it means to be responsible to ourselves and others. Learn more at this link.
It was great to talk with James Shaheen and Sharon Salzberg about grief, loss, love and life on Tricycle’s Life as It Is podcast! You can listen to it here.
SHARE YOUR BLESSINGS
Through our thoughts, words, and deeds, may we bring wisdom and kindness to everyone we encounter. May we know when to act and when to not-act, and may our efforts flourish and take root in ourselves, each other, and throughout the world. Sabbe sattā sukhi hontu. May it be so!
Metta+++,
Kim✨