Happy Interdependence Day 🎆

Remembering the Most Important Thing

This is an update of an essay I wrote for July 4 in 2023. I’m sharing it again because we need each other, my friends! Don’t forget this profound truth! x

I don’t like to ask for help, and since childhood I’ve strived to be independent — to do everything by myself and insisting I don’t need anyone for anything. Believing in my independence makes me feel powerful and autonomous, but it’s a delusion that causes me tremendous grief and disappointment because it’s impossible to be completely separate from others and the world. I’m a weak and vulnerable and needy human — and you are too!

Because all of my needs — and yours — are provided by other living beings — from the air I breathe, to the food I eat, the medicine I take, and the love and kindness I’m given. It’s such an obvious fact that to continue with the delusion of independence requires a huge amount of denial and ignorance, which causes so many people a lot of suffering.

Even if you don’t believe it, you’ve always needed other living beings. In childhood you were cared for by family, teachers, neighbors, friends, medical professionals and even strangers. Now that you’re an adult, each moment of your life continues to rely upon the efforts of countless beings. Electricity is provided by everyone who works at the utility company, food is cultivated by farm workers and brought to the local store by truck drivers, and you necessarily depend on others for healthcare, clothing, and shoes. And you count on fire departments and emergency services to be there when you need them.

Photo from a visit to Hancock Shaker Village

And the deeper, scientific truth is that all life exists interdependently in a relational ecosystem we call Earth. Each of us on the planet use, exchange, and ultimately become air, food, water, and sunlight, and even when we die, nothing of us disappears or vanishes—we just continue in different forms within the ecosystem.

Though I hate to admit it, realizing the truth of interdependence is the deepest wisdom I can cultivate for myself. That’s because when I — when we — truly understand how much our lives depend on each other, we can let go of trying so hard to be in control of everything, and instead open our hearts and deeply appreciate the blessings we receive in every moment.

So I’m sharing the practice below, to help you recognize the profound connection we share with each other. It’s from my book, Steady, Calm, and Brave: 25 Buddhist Practices of Resilience and Wisdom in a Crisis, and I encourage you to take the time to try it. Let me know your experience with it, and also let me know how the idea of independence has affected your life!

A Giving and Receiving Contemplation for Interdependence Day

When a fire destroyed more than a dozen apartments in a nearby building, my neighbors and I collected donations and contributed clothing and furniture, and when Lori’s brother Scott slipped while putting salt down in his Milwaukee driveway in January, she rushed to the hospital to be with him, happy that he relied on her enough to call her. You’ve probably given and received just like this countless times! The following practice will help you reclaim your interdependence and let you feel more open to accepting all the care, help, and love you give and get in everyone moment.

• Find a quiet spot, put away your devices, close your eyes, and inhale and exhale slowly and deeply five times.
  

• Recall an occasion when someone helped you out—a friend recommended you for a job, a teacher tutored you, a neighbor picked up your kids from day care, a family member lent you money or gave you a place to stay—and silently say “thank you.”
  

• Let yourself remember a few more of these situations. They could be great gestures of support, such as a time when some- one loaned you a large sum of money, or small gestures, like the time when someone held the elevator for you when you were late to work or noticed your scarf left behind on the bus and returned it to you.
  

• Take a few conscious breaths, and now let yourself remember a time when you helped someone out. The time that you recommended a friend for a job, tutored someone, listened to a family member who was upset, took food to a neighbor after their mom died—and silently say “thank you” to yourself.

May our actions contribute to the well-being of all of us.  Sabbe sattā sukhi hontu. May it be so!

Metta+++,

Kim✨

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