Patience for Procrastinators
You and Me and Everyone We Know
I recently completed the draft of my new book, Navigating Grief and Loss: 25 Buddhist Practices to Keep Your Heart Open to Yourself and Others, which will be published by Prometheus Books in October. I’m glad it’s completed, though what I (re)discovered through writing it is that I can be a terrible procrastinator. I’ve known this for a long time, but in the past when it happened, I’ve gotten mad and frustrated at myself and stayed awake in bed worrying about if I’ll get things done on time or if I’ll ruin everything. It quickly became clear this was neither useful nor helpful for getting the book done because it made me feel bad and stressed out, so I decided to take a different approach.
First, I sat down and listened to myself, and learned that I procrastinate because I feel overwhelmed and a little bit scared, too. So instead of using criticism and anxiety to defeat it, I’m using my patience, discipline and trust to work with it. First, I sit down every morning and tell myself I’ll just “do a little work”, and that it’s okay, I don’t have to finish a big project or write ten chapters, all I just need to do is to work for an hour or two. This is helping me have consistency, create a new habit, and not get so frantic trying to finish everything at once. Second, I remember that I’m a reliable person who lives up to commitments and completes projects on deadline. I know this is true because I’ve done it many times in the past, and I’m confident I’ll do so in the future too. Finally, each day I thank myself for my efforts and appreciate everyone supporting me and my endeavors.
If there is something about yourself—a habit, a style of working—that you don’t like, feeling badly about it is not an effective way to change it or work with it. It’s much more skillful to understand whatever is underneath this habit—fear, insecurity, self-doubt, sadness—with love and patience, and then use your diligence to slowly and gently create new ways to work with it, not against it. If you get stuck, remember to trust yourself—you’ve had many challenges in the past that you’ve met with skill and care, and innumerable successes, and you can count on your good heart and wisdom to lead you through this moment too. Finally, be sure to appreciate yourself and everyone in your life who encourages, loves, and cares for you. This includes the beings you know directly, but also all the hidden hands that ensure you have electricity, water, food, and everything else you need to flourish.
Private Sessions
Is it counseling? Spiritual guidance? Meditation lessons? Buddhist training?
Yes.
With compassionate listening, sensitive reflection, and guided metta instruction, I guide my one-on-one students to gain personal insight, meet struggles with kindness and wisdom, and cultivate new habits of mind and behavior. Many of the people I work with find it difficult to truly care for themselves and their feelings, are deeply self-critical, and/or successful and grateful and can’t understand why they’re not happy. If this sounds like you, I can help. Email me to learn more, or visit my website for details.
Gladden Your Mind
Watching ants clean up the kitchen
I vow with all beings
to clean up the waste on my desk
and the leftover crumbs in my head.
I’m smiling a lot reading Roshi Robert Aitken’s The Dragon Who Never Sleeps: Verses for Zen Buddhist Practice. Using the form of the traditional Buddhist gatha—a short teaching in verse—he wrote wise and humorous lessons for contemporary daily life. The book is out of print but used copies are available at many booksellers.
It’s that time of year again, friends! Sharon Salzberg’s 12th Annual Real Happiness 28 Day Meditation Challenge begins on February 1st! You can sign up here, then join us all month at Mindful Astoria online on Wednesday nights where we’ll be following along with Sharon’s weekly lessons.
Share Your Blessings
May we create peace with every word we speak, healing with every action we take, and joy with every thought we think. May it be so!
Metta+++,
Kim✨
Find Kimberly Brown on Instagram | Facebook | MeditationwithHeart.com
Thank you Kimberly. My much anticipated New Year launch into a new journal of essays has been frozen by many of the sentiments you mention above. Here's to kindness to ourselves, and a little humility to recognize an hour a day is a fine piece of work.
I loved reading this. It is calming, reassuring, and very helpful. And I agree that instead of resenting our challenges like fear and/or procrastination you have to embrace it, examine it, and be thankful for it. Then when you can accept and understand the feelings, you can make a plan. The one you suggested, doing a little bit each day, sounds perfect. Thank you, Kim.