Sometimes You Need to Do Less

Don't Push So Hard

My next book, Happy Relationships: 25 Buddhist Practices to Transform Your Connection with your Partner, Family, and Friends, was due to the publisher on May 1st (as I mentioned in this newsletter). But I didn’t get it done on time.

I was really disappointed in myself and a little bit ashamed that I needed to ask the publisher for an extension. And, I felt that even though I’d been been working frantically, I still wasn’t writing fast enough or well enough. I thought I was making too many mistakes, and was thoroughly discouraged. Finally, a few weeks ago I realized I needed to change my approach. I couldn’t keep pushing and demanding that I get it done—as if my book was an unwanted chore or obligation. I needed to feel loving, open and glad for me and for it—or it wouldn’t turn out well for either of us.

Working Outdoors at The Queensboro Restaurant

The Buddhist word for discipline is viriya or virya—it’s sometimes translated as energy, diligence, or effort. I was trying to harness this quality but because I was doing it without kindness or compassion for myself, it was turning into toil and drudgery. I decided that I needed to do less not more. I needed to let go of all my ideas: about what a writer does; about my own worth and talent; and about the future of a book that isn’t even finished yet.

So I practiced just sitting still. I didn’t try to stop my thoughts or control them, but I didn’t let myself get swept away into my fears or fantasies, either. I remembered that virya isn’t used to do just anything—its purpose is to drive actions towards the good—using joy and enthusiasm as well as persistence and dedication. I thought about my truest intention for writing and teaching, too. And when I remembered that I’m sharing what I’ve learned in the hope that it will benefit others as it has me, I felt refreshed, less stuck, and more open and able to write.

I’m relieved to say that the manuscript is nearly finished and I’ll meet my new deadline on June 1st, which is just a few days away and I’ll be working pretty full-out until then. Please tell me about the ways you approach deadlines and difficult tasks—I can use more suggestions if you have them! And don’t forget that Sunday is our next Sunday Scaries and I’ll update you on the outcome of the book then too!

May all our work be guided by joy and love! May our efforts benefit all beings and bless our lives! May it be so!

Metta+++,

Kim

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