What to do when pigeons are sh*tting on your head.

This is the way it is sometimes

New! Listen to me read this letter at the link above 🎧

Around fifteen years ago I read Cave in the Snow, a biography of Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo, an Englishwoman who became a Tibetan nun nearly sixty years ago. That’s where I learned about the Togdens, a special sect within Tibetan Buddhism who focus exclusively on meditation and long retreat practices. The Togdens taught Tenzin Palmo after she began her Buddhist monastic education at her teacher’s monastery in India, where most of the regular monks didn’t know how to relate to a female peer, and excluded her. But the Togdens—also male monastics—were happy to include her in their training.

This made me curious about them, and later someone told me more about Amtin, one of the Togdens who taught Tenzin Palmo. They said that he’d spent several years in a solitary retreat in a comfortable Himalayan cave — it had water nearby and was dry inside, and Amtin felt he’d developed a steady and clear mind from his long practice there. Then his teacher told him to move to another cave. Except this new cave was damp and he had to walk a distance to get fresh water.  And when he was there for a few days, he discovered that pigeons lived in the ceiling above him, and they were shitting on his head. He realized that his mind wasn’t quite as steady and clear as he thought. But after a few years of practicing in this unpleasant and uncomfortable environment that he neither wanted nor chose, it definitely was.

Monk Caves in Bamiyan Valley. Tracy Hunter from Kabul, Afghanistan, CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons

I think of this story whenever I feel like pigeons are shitting on my head. When my life is disappointing, difficult, and/or discouraging, I remind myself that Amtin wasn’t in danger or at risk—he was just uncomfortable and challenged by his circumstances, just like I am. And instead of fighting against what’s happening, I can do my best to emulate him, and stop hating my experience. I can use it as an opportunity to develop balance, wisdom, and equanimity—to strengthen my mental and emotional stability, learn to keep composed even in uncertainty and change, and stay open and loving despite unpleasant or stressful situations.

You probably have your version of this, too. Maybe things aren’t going well for you right now—your job is difficult but you can’t leave because you need to take care of your family, or your relationship with your kids or your partner is shaky and uneasy, or you’re not feeling well physically or emotionally, or you feel anxious about the state of the world today. Instead of fighting or rejecting what’s happening, and getting lost in blame, despair, or shame, you can be inspired by Togden Amtin too. You can choose to pay attention and offer kindness to your experience. You can develop an open spacious sense of being that includes both the difficulties of life and all the blessings and resources you enjoy, in equal measure.

The next time you feel like pigeons are shitting on your head, stop what you're doing. Sit down and get quiet, and take several long inhales and even longer exhales. Then put your hand on your heart and think of someone you know who is struggling, and say to them silently, “May you be open to the way things are right now. May you find ease no matter what’s happening.” Repeat these phrases for a few minutes. Then say silently to yourself, “May I be open to the way things are right now. May I find ease no matter what’s happening.” Then think about all the humans you know, the strangers you don’t know, and all the people you don’t like or disagree with, and say to all of us, “May we be open to the way things are right now. May we find ease no matter what’s happening.”

→ I later learned the story of Togden Amtin in his pigeon-filled cave is from Tsokyni Rinpoche’s book, Fearless Simplicity. You can read it here.

→ Learn more about the Togden lineage here.

→ Tenzin Palmo went on to do a twelve-year solitary cave retreat, and later founded Dongyu Gatsal Ling nunnery. Togden Amtin helped her revive the training of women to become Togdens. Read what she says about this amazing tradition, and see a photo of her with a few of the trainees, in this Instagram post.

→ I sent a donation to support the Togdens of Tashi Jong right after I read Cave in the Snow. About six months later, I received a lovely thank you note and a packet of “blessing powder” — ground herbs — but I’d heard that sometimes the Tibetans included bones of cremated lamas in the powder* and I got scared that I’d have some kind of psychedelic experience if I ingested it, so I didn’t. My ten-year old niece had no such qualms and happily swallowed it. She’s a thriving 24 year old now.

*I still have no idea if this is true or not. If you know, please tell me.

This week’s CSA flowers are yarrow, feverfew, and rudbeckia aka black-eyed Susans.

I think I mentioned a few weeks ago that my schedule is a bit lighter now, so I have more availability for private sessions. If you’re interested in meeting with me one-on-one, please get in touch. I can show you practices to help you feel less self-critical and more open and compassionate about yourself and others, too. I also work with families and friend groups so if you’d like to get your dearest people together for lovingkindness practice via Zoom, I’m happy to lead you, it’s really such a sweet way to connect with each other. Email me if you want more info or to discuss more about it.

May you know the value of your thoughts, words, and deeds, and the power of your love, kindness, and good sense, and may you use all these gifts to benefit yourself and all beings. May you have every blessing and be liberated from confusion, hatred, and neediness. May it be so!

Take it light.

Metta+++,

Kim✨

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