Even when I follow my Pre-Sleep Routine, I rarely sleep through the night. Usually I awaken a few hours after bedtime. Sometimes I use the bathroom, get back in the covers, snuggle up, and drift right back to slumber. But other times, I begin to ruminate, creating catastrophic stories about something I’m worried about or developing pleasant fantasies about something I’m excited about. Sometimes I lay there for hours, lost in my delusion.
This rumination is hard to break, because each thought or sensation builds another thought, imbuing each with more strength, creating a seemingly unstoppable waterfall-like momentum. Buddhism calls this prapanca or proliferation — the tendency of the mind to elaborate and grow concepts and mental objects, to reinforce the sense we have of I am and I am in control, neither of which are exactly true.
In today’s meditation, we’ll take inspiration from an instruction I was once given, “Trust yourself, and I don’t mean trust your thoughts.” We’ll use it to learn to recognize when we’re caught in our nighttime rumination, let go of this intense mind-activity, rest in our silent quiet nature, and return to slumber or relax in our comfortable beds.
This month’s meditations are for you to practice while you’re in bed, to support healthy sleep. Be sure to keep your device out of reach as you listen to them!
[Prapanca] are the narrative loops that play over and over in the mind, the trains of thought pulling out of the station one after another and taking us for a long ride down the track before we even know we’re aboard.
— Andrew Olenski
I’m leading an in-person half-day retreat upstate on July 11th! Please join me if you live nearby, and for my NYC friends, I hope you’ll consider taking the train to our lovely town, participating in the workshop, and enjoying all the sights! Find all the details at this link. Email me if you have questions!
Sweet dreams ‘til sunbeams find you.
Metta+++,
Kim✨
