Welcome Scaries #10
The Fear of Fear Edition
It’s the February edition of Welcome Scaries! Because so many of us experience dreadful foreboding, creeping malaise, and/or just a little bit of nervousness on Sunday nights in anticipation of the coming work and school week and all we have to do, I send this monthly offering to bring kindness to our Scaries, instead of fighting with them, resenting them, or trying to get rid of them.This idea of befriending your feelings comes from an old Buddhist tale about inviting your enemy to tea (you can read it in Welcome Scaries #1).
Because these scary feelings of anxiety and worry can feel overwhelming, sometimes I’ll start to feel scared of the scaries. This is an awful doom loop of anticipatory fear that leads me to try to avoid them. You might notice you’re doing this too, sometimes — staying late at work, binge-watching television, socializing because you don’t want to be alone with your feelings — but you can’t keep the scaries away forever! Eventually they arise and seem even more powerful, because pushing against them and trying to get rid of them increases their power and unpleasantness. And that’s because scaries are not actually our enemies — they’re parts of ourselves that need to be welcomed — with kindness, compassion, and love.
Buddha’s student Ananda was scared of scaries too, so he tried to keep the demon Mara away from the Buddha:
"Go away! The Buddha will not see you. You are evil. You are his enemy." When Mara heard this he began to laugh and laugh. "Did you say that your teacher told you that he has enemies?" That made Ananda very embarrassed. He knew that his teacher had not said that he has enemies. So Ananda had to go in and announce the visit of Mara, hoping that the Buddha would say, "Go and tell him that I am not here. Tell him that I am in a meeting."
But the Buddha was very excited when he heard that Mara, such a very old friend, had come to visit him. "Is that true? Is he really here?" the Buddha said, and he went out in person to greet Mara. Ananda was very distressed. The Buddha went right up to Mara, bowed to him, and took his hands in his in the warmest way. The Buddha said, "Hello! How are you? How have you been? Is everything all right?”
—Thich Nhat Hahn, The Heart of Understanding
When you’re feeling scared of the possibility of scary feelings or afraid that you might feel pain in the future, it’s okay. Take a deep breath and put your hand on your heart. Say to yourself, “You’re welcome here, and I will be here for you now and in the future.” Keep breathing and repeat often.
→ Read all the Sunday Scaries in the Meditation with Heart archive!
Here’s our monthly roundup of links to help balance our minds and remember that the internets can be a force for good:
→ Everything is connected. How the trees and plants in a forest communicate with each other via an underground network: Radio Lab, From Tree to Shining Tree
→ Rituals are useful. Creating and using rituals exercise mindfulness and inspire gratitude. Learn how they can transform your relationship with technology: The Dao of Using Your Smartphone
→ Kill the Buddha. A wonderful interview with Zen teacher Jeanette Prince-Cherry on Interfaith Paths to Peace
→ Bloom Scrolls: Seek out the good, the wholesome, the light—that which is blooming in the world. Please send me your favorite Blooms so I can share them!
Going with Grace - Alua Arthur is a death-doula who shares her deep compassion and wisdom on her Instagram page. She’s also the founder of an organization committed to improve end-of-life experiences by providing education and community support.
Sascha Fonseca - Wildlife photographer of snow lions and siberian tigers, whose work supports conservation efforts and awareness of big cats. The photos are a m a z i n g.
Alliance for Middle East Peace - Because nobody wins a war. Non-governmental organizations working to foster reconciliation between Israelis and Palestinians.
Okay friends, that’s a wrap for tonight’s Sunday Scaries newsletter! I’m visiting my besties in Chicago and wishing everyone has a safe and pleasant Monday — and maybe a cutie like this little guy to snuggle with too:
Please share your Sunday night experiences, stories and links in the comments below — and your Bloom Scrolling recommendations — to help all of us create the conditions for an easy and happy work week.
May we delight in our measure of well-being and share it with our friends, our community, our enemies, and the world. May our words and actions create a healthy environment for all who live in our eco-system Earth.
Metta+++,
Kim✨
The Scaries have been hitting me daily around 4 or 5am. Then I start frantically DOING to keep them at bay but they are still there. I will focus on sitting with them a bit this week and report back.
It is that time of the week again, thinking of all I have to accomplish this week and thinking of all the ways to avoid it. Wise words Kimberly Brown, thank you.