Welcome Scaries #11
Because it’s Sunday Night!
It’s the March edition of Welcome Scaries! Because so many of us experience dreadful foreboding, creeping malaise, and/or just a little bit of nervousness on Sunday nights in anticipation of the coming work and school week and all we have to do, I send this monthly offering to bring kindness to our Scaries, instead of fighting with them, resenting them, or trying to get rid of them. This idea of befriending your feelings comes from an old Buddhist tale about inviting your enemy to tea (you can read it in Welcome Scaries #1).
For the past few weeks, I’ve been worrying about what I will do if things in my life change in the future. What if I or someone I love gets sick? What if I don’t plan well enough for retirement and have to move? So I did what I usually do when I’m worried—I come up with lots of contingencies, strategies, and plans. I even made a spreadsheet. But it didn’t really make me feel any better.
That’s because I don’t want to grow older or get sick or be surprised by circumstances. The Buddha recognized this as a Scary called viparinama-dukkha, the suffering of change. Even though I know that aging, sickness, and death are unavoidable and will happen to me just like they’ll happen to everyone else, I refuse to accept it, and insist on trying to find an escape route.
I sat at my desk feeling my heart race and my chest tighten and wondered what to do, when I thought about the tools that the Buddha used when Mara visited him. Instead of arguing or fighting with Mara, the Buddha remembered and reassured himself that his own inherent clarity and kindness would support him, no matter what happened, because:
"I have faith (saddhaa) and energy (viriya). And I have wisdom (paññaa) too.”
Just like the Buddha, I share these qualities and you do, too. We can learn to have confidence and trust that we can rely on them in all situations. We can develop our faith, love, and clarity so we don’t have to live in dread and resistance. Instead, we can do our best to create healthy conditions for ourselves and others, and let go and relax. And choose to enjoy and pay attention to the blessings in our lives right now.
When you’re feeling scared of the changes that will happen in the future, stop and get quiet. Sit down. Take some deep inhales and full exhales. Put your hand on your fearful heart and pay attention to your hurt and pain and struggle. Then lovingly say to yourself, “I trust myself to meet the future with love and kindness and openness.” Keep breathing and repeat often.
→ Read all the Sunday Scaries in the Meditation with Heart archive!
Here’s our monthly roundup of links to help balance our minds and remember that the internets can be a force for good:
→ Stories are healing. If you need a boost of optimism and hope about humans, life, and Earth, read and watch some of the stories in Emergence Magazine (on the homepage this week is a short film of teenagers in Iceland rescuing lost puffins omg). Their mission statement says it all: “It has always been a radical act to share stories during dark times. They are regenerative spaces of creation and renewal. As we experience a loss of sacred connection to the earth, we share stories that explore the timeless connections between ecology, culture, and spirituality.” Read it here.
→ Time Crystals. Not sure why this isn’t headline news—but scientists have created a crystal that is arranged in a pattern not in space (like a normal everyday crystal) but in time. Yes, it's real. Read more.
→ More about Time. Dogen was a 13th century Japanese Buddhist teacher, the author of the Shōbōgenzō, a collection of his teachings. In one chapter, Dogen describes the relationship between being and time. Here’s an excerpt but it kinda says it all:
Overwhelming overwhelms overwhelming and sees overwhelming. Overwhelming is nothing but overwhelming. This is time. As overwhelming is caused by you, there is no overwhelming that is separate from you. Thus you go out and meet someone. Someone meets someone. You meet yourself.
Read the entire chapter on being-time here.
→ All Buddhas aren’t Buddhist. Next weekend at the Garrison Institute, Buddhist teacher Kaira Jewel Lingo and Christian Father Adam Bucko are leading a weekend of Learning Engaged Spirituality from Christian Saints and Buddhist Bodhisattvas. If you’re in the New York area, you can sign up and learn more here.
→ Bloom Scrolls: Seek out the good, the wholesome, the light—that which is blooming in the world. Please send me your favorite Blooms so I can share them!
Theaster Gates - An artist, performer, ceramicist, social activist, musician, community organizer, and professor — his deep love of life and curiosity about the world and our connection to each other inspires and amazes me.
Holistic Life Foundation - Two decades ago, three men decided to teach yoga and mindfulness to kids in their community schools in Baltimore. The results? Empowering children to self-regulate and treat themselves with kindness means more focus, less disruption and less discipline needed (duh). Now they’re replicating their programs in other places.
journey inward newsletter—mindfulness teacher Dora Kamau shares her wisdom and experiences in this lovely exploration.
Okay friends, that’s a wrap for tonight’s Sunday Scaries newsletter! Please share your Sunday night experiences, stories and links in the comments below — and your Bloom Scrolling recommendations — to help all of us create the conditions for an easy and happy work week.
May we delight in our measure of well-being and share it with our friends, our community, our enemies, and the world. May our words and actions create a healthy environment for all who live in our eco-system Earth.
Metta+++,
Kim✨
My brother shared this with me yesterday and it completely shifted my relationship with the unknown. "My perspective is limited. God's power is unlimited. Who am I to have any expectations at all?" Trust is the antidote to uncertainty. I'm grateful for your loving reminders to trust.