Welcome Scaries #14
Because Sunday is Tuesday this Week
Welcome to the June edition of Welcome Scaries. I know it’s late but with good cause—I couldn’t send it on Sunday because that’s the day I finally sent the final manuscript of my latest book, Happy Relationships, to the publisher! Whew. Very relieved. If you’ve been reading MWH (here and here) for the past few months or if you’ve talked to me recently, you know I’ve been struggling to finish it, thanks to lots of circumstantial stress and worries (family health crisis, job stuff) and plenty of old stuff too (self-doubt, discouragement).
Its original deadline was May 1. But it wasn’t done so I got an extension until June 1—which was Saturday. That morning I was anxiously completing the final proofread, and feeling trepidatiously hopeful it would be done on time by evening. It was a warm day so when I saw our darling cat, Carmen, stretched out next to my desk, I thought she was cooling off on the wood floor. But when I looked down, I could see she was having a seizure! As I kneeled down to comfort her, I felt surge of panic race through my body—fear for Carmen, then panic that I would never get the book finished.
My next thought was what a terrible person I must be to have concern about anything except my dear cat. I put my hand on my heart and took a deep breath and said to myself, “However things unfold, it will be fine,” and called a Lyft and off we went to the Animal Medical Center where we spent the rest of the afternoon. And everything was fine. Carmen recovered quickly, though why she had a seizure is still a mystery. The next day I finished the book.
I don’t believe in mystical experiences but I’ve decided that the universe (aka love) was sending me a message on Saturday. It was saying, Kim, your relationships are everything. The rest is a delusion. Wake up!
The universe (aka love) is offering this message to you too. Whatever Scary you’re struggling with right now—loneliness, sadness, money worries, a breakup, anger—make sure you don’t prioritize it over your connections. Pay attention to yourself, your family and friends, colleagues, neighbors, strangers, even your enemies, with kindness, interest, and non-judgement. And when you get distracted from this important task—and you will—just say no. Instead, put your hand on your heart and just breathe.
Welcome Scaries started as a monthly letter sent on the first Sunday of each month because so many of us experience nervousness on Sunday nights in anticipation of the coming week and all we have to do. I know today is Tuesday but I bet you have some Scaries that need some love today too. Remember, the intention is to offer your difficult feelings—your Scaries—kindness, instead of fighting with them, resenting them, or trying to get rid of them. This idea of befriending your feelings comes from an old story about how the Buddha invited his enemy to tea rather than trying to defeat him.
→ Read all the Sunday Scaries in the Meditation with Heart archive!
I never imagined that nearly 4,000 people would read my work, but here you all are! I love that you’re interested in perfecting your beautiful qualities and I’m humbled that you share them with me and all of us here in this community. Thank you subscribers, you’re amazing 🌸.
And now for a few positive and useful links. May they be of benefit:
→ Musings from a Broken Heart: A wise and healing Substack that I just love reading, by Robert, a writer and theological student. From a recent post: “One thing that helps me cultivate gratitude is to delete my text messages every week. I know that sounds strange but I delete the good and the bad. The frustrating. The business texts. They all must go so that I have space to receive new things.” Yes. Read it here.
→ I joined a flower CSA: CSA means “community supported agriculture” and usually if you join a CSA you’ll get weekly distributions of fresh fruits and vegetables from a local farm. But Queens Perennial partners with the Luna Family Farm in New Jersey, where they grow flowers! It’s been a thrill to pick up my weekly harvest of amazing blooms like these from last week:
→ Please Live a Long Time: Buddhist teacher, author, and co-founder of Insight Meditation Society, Joseph Goldstein turned 80 recently! I’m grateful for his tremendous efforts to share his wisdom with the world. If you practice mindfulness or study Buddhism, you’ve been affected by him too. You can watch his birthday celebration with students and friends, (it’s a refreshing opposite of a roast), here.
→ Peace is Possible: If you feel helpless or enraged at war and violence in your home, community, or in the world, it’s important to not get discouraged or indifferent. You must keep a balanced and open mind or you’ll be unable to be of use or act with wisdom and compassion to bring about change. I hope you’ll take time to meditate, chant, or pray to support yourself. Here’s a beautiful peace prayer you can recite with teacher Khenpo Sherpa Sangpo. An excerpt is below. (Note you can change the words! If you don’t believe in Buddha, substitute God, or if you’re a non-believer like me, use Universe. The intention is to incline your own mind to clarity and kindness!)
For all those who are suffering from fighting and cruelty, we pray,
Let us have no war between nations, only harmony and peace.
Oh great, compassionate buddhas, bodhisattvas, and protectors,
We pray for those who have died from violence, poverty, and accidents,
May they be reborn with a precious life, excellent form, and in a happy state. Let them never experience the sufferings of battle, only freedom and peace.
Any summer plans? I told myself that when I finished the book, I would would read for pleasure again (I am!), have dinner at the conveyor-belt sushi restaurant in Flushing, and visit Great Jones Spa! I secretly also want to go to a Silent Disco—anyone have experience with this? Let me know!
May we keep each other close and safe. May our circle of care extend to all humans, animals, and every being in our eco-system, Earth. May it be so!
Metta+++,
Kim✨
so happy to hear that carmen is okay -- and that you finished your book!!
Thank you Kimberly for sharing your wisdom. Happy to hear your beautiful Carmen is feeling better, and congratulations on finishing your book!