Welcome Scaries #15

Because it's Sunday Night 😈

Welcome Scaries started as a monthly letter sent on the first Sunday of each month because so many of us feel unsettled on Sunday nights in anticipation of the coming week and all we have to do. The intention is to offer your difficult feelings—your Scaries—kindness, instead of fighting with them, resenting them, or trying to get rid of them. This traditional method of befriending emotions comes from an old story about how the Buddha invited his enemy to tea rather than trying to defeat him.

Since tomorrow is the first day back to work for many people after a long holiday weekend, you might feel your Scaries more intensely tonight. Maybe you have anxiety or worry, or restless, sinking, jittery sensations in your body. If so, I really encourage you to be loving and kind to yourself by turning toward these feelings instead of pushing them away or ignoring them. And I encourage you to practice lovingkindness meditation for yourself tonight too.

You might think that it’s selfish or it’s wrong to spend time developing your loving heart for these difficult aspects of yourself—or maybe it seems like a waste of time. But be reminded of the very useful results of doing this practice:

• Fighting and trying to get rid of what you don’t like or don’t want about yourself just makes these qualities even stronger. When you offer love to the Scaries — you can use Thich Nhat Hanh’s instruction, “I see you and I’m not going to leave you”—they become less active, and you become more calm and clear.

• Ultimately, loving all of yourself (and others) contributes to your own personal fulfillment and sense of purpose. It enriches your life and enables you to leave a positive legacy with those you love and with the world.

• Loving wisely builds and strengthens social bonds, creating a network of support that can be relied upon, especially in times of need.

• A society built on love, compassion, and mutual respect for all our struggles tends to be more peaceful, inclusive, and harmonious than one built on criticism, competition, and greed. It fosters a sense of community and unity among many different groups of people.

Photo by Brandon Griggs on Unsplash

Tonight, or anytime you’re feeling the Sunday Scaries, bring some love to yourself. Shut off your television, set aside your phone, and put your hand on your belly and breathe deeply and slowly. Exhale for just a few seconds longer than you inhale. Do this for five minutes every hour until you go to bed. When you’re in bed, think of someone you love easily and silently say to them, “May you be happy and ease.” Repeat for a few minutes, then say silently to yourself, “May I be happy and at ease.” After a few minutes, think of a few people you don’t like, and a few people you don’t know well—like neighbors or colleagues—and say to all of you, “May we be happy and at ease.” Continue practicing until you fall asleep. If you get caught in a thought or a plan, that’s okay, gently let go and start again.

→ Read all the Sunday Scaries in the Meditation with Heart archive!

h/t to Pamela Levy at Words and Pictures

My dear friends, please take a moment to appreciate yourself. Recall those acts of kindness you expressed this week—times when you were generous, helpful, or loving — when you texted a sick friend to see how they were feeling, when you cooked dinner for your family, or when you thanked your neighbor for watching your home while you were away. Bows for your efforts 🌸.

And now for this month’s positive and useful links. May they be of benefit:

→ “Good is just more interesting”: I often say that even if my kindness or compassion had no discernible affect on the world, I would still practice it, because the path of wisdom and caring is most beautiful way to live. The great and wise writer Toni Morrison articulates this so beautifully in a brief interview, where she explains why it’s worthwhile to orient our lives toward the good, regardless of outcome. Badness and evil are foolish because they’re just not useful — but positive and beneficial actions lead to “survival, blossoming, endurance”. Watch it here.

→ My friend read my Tarot last week: I met Joren for breakfast and she brought her card deck and did a reading while we had croissants and coffee at an outdoor cafe in Chelsea. Neither of us believe in anything magical or mystical, but we both know that looking at images and archetypes and assigning meaning to them can help us to gain insight into our unconscious motivations, wishes, and knowledge. That’s one way to follow Carl Jung’s instruction, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Do you have experience with tarot? Here’s one of the spreads:

→ We see you too: Watch community leader Orland Bishop talk about the meaning of Sawubona, a traditional Zulu greeting. It means “We see you,” and the response to it is “We see you too.” Such a reminder of our mutuality and our inextricable interconnection! He also says that it inspires us to want freedom for everyone—not necessarily freedom from something, but the freedom to be truly be present with each other. See it here.

→ One Simple Wish: I think my friend Renee told me about this organization. They’re a non-profit that helps current and former foster children by sharing their wishes and needs. There are lots of requests, from a gas card to help someone get to work, to toys to help a kid feel comfortable in their new foster home. You can contribute as much or as little as you like. More here.

→ Peace is Possible: I know that peace seems so far away sometimes but war doesn’t magically appear and it’s not inevitable. It is created by many causes—political, historical, and social — and all these conditions can be changed. Each of us can contribute to a world free from war by eliminating our own hatred, fear, ignorance, greed, and delusion, and then we can act with wisdom and compassion to bring about change. I hope you’ll take time to meditate, chant, or pray to support yourself. Here’s a guided meditation and prayer with the Plum Village Sangha: an excerpt is below. (Note you can change the words! If you don’t believe in Buddha, substitute God, or if you’re a non-believer like me, use Universe. The intention is to incline your own mind to clarity and kindness!)

I allow the energy of compassion from my heart to flow out to embrace myself and all who are going through trauma, violence, and death.   

May the energy of compassion embrace all of us on Earth to help us heal and transform our difficulties.

May the great energy of compassion help to cool down the hatred, the anger, the violence, so that all friends in war zones can be protected.

Okay that’s a wrap friends! May you know your blessings and share them will all you encounter. May we have peace with ourselves, with each other, and with the world. May it be so!

Take it light.

Metta+++,

Kim✨

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