If you’re just joining us for this month’s theme, please read previous posts:
→ Introduction
→ Week 1 Instructions
You might give gifts to people, make donations to good causes, and help family and friends when they need it, and still not feel like you’re very good at giving. That’s how I felt for a long time — giving because you’re supposed to do it on birthdays and holidays, or when you feel guilty about the suffering in the world, or because you’re obligated to help if someone asks you. Also, you might sometimes give to gain — to curry favor with someone, to make a good impression, or to show everyone on your social media that you’re a good person who deserves praise.
But you can change the way you give, and actually learn to get better at giving. In the Buddhist tradition, it’s one of the six qualities that we can perfect with practice and effort because it’s a skill and an art. That means you can improve it. Just as lifting weights will make you stronger, and taking baking lessons will make you a better cook, exercising generosity will make you good at giving.
Start your training with the exercises below, most of which I’ve been practicing for a long time. Even though I’m a long way from perfecting the art of giving, they’ve helped me improve. I no longer feel so inconvenienced or burdened by gifting or irritated by requests for my assistance. Now when I offer my time, resources, or goodness, it mostly feels pleasant and easy, and I’m glad for a sense of deep appreciation for all that I have and can give.
A Few Practices to Get Better at Giving
⭐️ Give whenever you have a thought of giving. Most of us have thoughts and ideas about giving but we don’t always act on them. For this exercise, choose an amount of time — a day or a week — during which you will give whenever you think about it. For example, yesterday I walked by a young person sitting outside a grocery store on a very cold day and I wondered if I should give her my hat. With this exercise, I would stop and offer it to her. I think I learned this one from Sharon Salzberg.
⭐️ Give a small amount whenever asked. When teacher Robert Thurman lived in NYC, he made sure he had $1 dollar bills in his pocket and whenever he was asked for money by people on the street, he gave them a dollar whether he wanted to or not, even if he was running late or just didn’t feel like doing it. You can try this with dollar bills or with quarters or with whatever you have. The idea is to develop indiscrimination by giving to anyone who asks you.
⭐️ Give water on your altar. Tibetan teachers encourage students to create an altar at home, with pictures and images of teachers, Buddhas, and inspiring people. Each day you can pour water into a small bowl on your altar as a thank you to these beings. When you share water offerings you can give generously, without concern about how much you have to give, because water is abundant and free. (At least for most of us reading this newsletter.)
⭐️ Give blessings to strangers. Lovingkindness meditation includes offering well-wishes to people we don’t know, to expand our capacity for giving simply for the pleasure of giving. The next time you’re at the grocery store or walking down the street, silently say to people you see, “May you be happy” or “May you be healthy”.
⭐️ Give and don’t tell anyone about it. The next time you give — whether a gift, a donation, or a favor — don’t mention it to anyone else. Try to experience the satisfaction of generosity without the need for praise or validation.
What are your obstacles to giving?
Our meditation today is a very simple metta practice. Please practice everyday and checkin with our community via comments and our chat.
“We give to those who need it, paying particular attention to help those who have helped us, those who are sick and unprotected, and also those who are our particular enemies or rivals. The way in which we make our gift to them should be joyfully, respectfully, with a compassionate heart and without regret. It is better to give with one’s own hand rather than through others, to give at just the right time, and, of course, to give without harming others. Impartial giving is best and a wise person gives just what is needed.”
— Tai Situ Rinpoche
We’re experiencing bitterly cold weather this week, my friends. I hope you’re warm and cozy. May all creatures have warmth, comfort, and safety. May all those outdoors find shelter and ease. May we recognize the greatness of our simple blessings and share them with all creatures. May it be so!
Metta+++,
Kim✨
