This month’s theme refers to an often-told story about two wolves. There are many versions of it, but it generally goes something like this:
A wise man tells his grandchild that two wolves live inside of him, in constant battle. One wolf is bad — mean, greedy, and dangerous. The other wolf is good — wise, kind, and loving. The child asks him which wolf wins, and the man says, “The wolf I feed.”
I’ve heard this story many times, but recently got curious about its origin, especially because it’s often presented as indigenous wisdom: the speaker is usually described as Native American or Inuit. But a little research quickly reveals that the origins of the tale are uncertain, and it seems like the first recorded reference to it comes from a 1978 book called The Holy Spirit: Activating God's Power in Your Life.
No matter where it came from, it’s not surprising that this is such a popular parable in our society, because most people are taught that our internal feelings are either good or bad and that what we feel or think makes us a good or bad person. So if we get rid of the “bad” and make more of the “good”, then we’ll be better people and somehow this will make us happy and loved.
This cycle of suffering is terribly painful and ineffective, because emotions aren’t good or bad. Some are pleasant (the good wolf) and others agonizing (the bad wolf), but none are right or wrong, and if we judge them as such, we simply create a terrible internal conflict that makes us feel badly about ourselves.
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Whenever someone tells me that they need to get over something or be a better person, it’s usually a sign that they’re starving one or more of their wolves, like a student did a few years ago. She came to me because she couldn’t stand how she felt about her ex-husband — angry and resentful about his past behavior. She insisted she needed to let it go and get over it, and felt frustrated and ashamed of herself that she was still holding on to the past. But ignoring and fighting with her feelings — trying to starve that wolf! — was making her feel anxious, defeated, and depressed. So instead of pushing and demanding and judging her internal experience, we tried something different. We practiced welcoming this wolf. And soon she felt relief and ease simply by giving it attention and patience. The wolf didn’t disappear because it didn’t need to. Rather, she learned to hold her hurt with compassion and understanding, and tolerate her pain with gentleness and less reactivity.
In today’s meditation, we’ll identify the wolf (or wolves) that you think need to starve. We’ll practicing noticing all the beliefs and ideas you have about it, and pay attention to how it feels and what it has to tell us, without trying to make anything go away or transform.
As always — plan to practice the weekly guided audio meditation every day. And share your experiences and your questions to our discussions in each comment section. Tell us about your wolf!
There is a difference between watching the mind and controlling the mind. Watching the mind with a gentle, open attitude allows the mind to settle down and come to rest. Trying to control the mind, or trying to control the way that one’s practice will unfold, just stirs up more agitation and suffering.
— Bhante Gunaratana
May the causes and conditions that create violence and war be completely alleviated. Through our efforts, may hatred, greed, and delusion disappear in our hearts and in the world. May it be so!
Metta+++,
Kim✨
