This month’s theme refers to a common parable about two wolves. There are many versions of it, but it generally goes something like this:
A wise man tells his grandchild that two wolves live inside of him, in constant battle. One wolf is bad — mean, greedy, and dangerous. The other wolf is good — wise, kind, and loving. The child asks him which wolf wins, and the man says, “The wolf I feed.”
I mentioned last week that this wolf story is a good metaphor for the way we judge our mind states as “good” or “bad” wolves, and then try to get rid of the “bad” or desperately cling to the “good”. This is a painful cycle of suffering because if you ignore or reject your “bad wolf” — feelings and thoughts that are painful, shameful, or alienating, you’ll just feel worse about yourself. And if you’re trying to always be the “good wolf” and only feel positive thoughts and feelings, you’ll be frustrated and disappointed. That’s why last week’s meditation welcomed the “bad wolf” with kindness and patience, to feel less conflict within ourselves and more at ease with all aspects of us.
But sometimes it’s really hard to open your heart to a part of you that you’ve habitually been taught is ugly, shameful, or unlovable. It might hard to connect with it because it’s been hidden away for a long time and when you sense it, you feel disgust or anger. But this exiled aspect of you really is starving — for kindness, compassion, love and validation.
When I asked my student John to imagine his bad wolf, he closed his eyes and I watched his jaw clench and his shoulders tighten. I supposed he was seeing a monster, but when John opened his eyes, he said he saw himself on the first day of kindergarten, standing on the steps of his family home. He remembered how ashamed he felt that day, for being afraid of school, and jealous and hurt that his little brother could stay home with their mom. Even though his wolf was a small harmless boy, John hated and feared him. He didn’t want to connect to this vulnerable and helpless aspect of himself, because he worried, he’d be seen as weak or mocked for being too needy. But he also knew that if he continued to reject it, he’d continue to treat himself harshly, and torment himself with self-criticism and impatience.
🌳 Your willingness to practice and your interest in compassion and love as a real power for change is truly gratifying. Thank you for being here! If you want to deepen your support for my work, you can press 👇 the orange button, (and get access to all the audio practices in our big archive, access to live sessions, and more).
In today’s meditation, we’ll get in touch with your starving wolf. I’ll help you acknowledge it, and offer it — and all of you — lovingkindness mediation. Because I know from personal experience and from working with students like John that the way we walk our path is way our outcome will unfold. When we learn to relate to all our mind states, emotions, and thoughts with gentleness, wisdom, gratitude, generosity, and good sense, we live and act with more gentleness, wisdom, gratitude, generosity, and good sense — for ourselves and others too.
Remember — plan to practice the weekly guided audio meditation every day. And share your experiences and your questions to our discussions in each comment section. Tell us about your wolf!
Spiritual people can be some of the most violent people you will ever meet. Mostly, they are violent to themselves. They violently try to control their minds, their emotions, and their bodies. They become upset with themselves and beat themselves up for not rising up to the conditioned mind's idea of what it believes enlightenment to be. No one ever became free through such violence.
— Adyashanti
May all our work be guided by joy and love! May our efforts benefit all beings and bless our lives! May it be so!
Metta+++,
Kim✨
