If you’re just joining us for this month’s theme, please read the first post:
→ Introduction
When I was younger, I was in a lot of pain, struggling with shame, guilt, and self-loathing. I thought this suffering was the result of not being good enough, smarter, or more successful, so I treated myself as a problem — one that I could solve if I could just figure out, fix, and improve what was wrong with me. I constantly criticized, judged, and belittled myself, believing it would make me a more perfect person and then I would feel better.
Of course I just felt worse and worse, like so many people who think there is something wrong with them. But my mean voice was so familiar to me that I couldn’t see it clearly. It wasn’t until I learned to bring kind attention to my thoughts, words, and actions that I began to notice how I talked to myself — and it was heartbreaking to hear it. I was angry, harsh, and even cruel. My own words were causing me more pain.
In today’s meditation, with gentle mindfulness and self-compassion, you’ll hear the harsh way you sometimes speak to yourself. And, with curiosity and openness, you’ll notice how painful it feels. Then, without judging or rejecting, you can bring gentleness to all aspects of you.
Plan to to sit quietly and practice with the audio recordings everyday, use the contemplative prompt below, and (new!) checkin regularly via the Meditation with Heart Chat on Substack:
This week, I’d like you to notice how you speak to yourself. Be very mindful and slow down and listen anytime you silently criticize, judge, or insult yourself. You don’t have to change it or judge it — just let it be. Consider writing it down each time it happens.
First
The fish needs to say,
"Something ain't right about this
Camel ride -
And I'm
Feeling so damn
Thirsty."
—Attributed to Hafiz, Daniel Ladinsky, translator
Today’s blessing is from Evaluating Whether Progress is Certain or Uncertain, an ancient Sanskrit sutra, which survives in a Tibetan translation. This English version is thanks to 84000. It describes how you can develop vast lovingkindness for all suffering beings everywhere, including using the following aspiration. I hope you’ll say it silently to yourself a few times a day:
Alas! These beings are without a protector! These beings are without a refuge! These beings are without an ally! These beings are without a sanctuary! These beings are without an abode! These beings are without a defender! Alas, may I one day become the protector of these beings! May I become their refuge! May I become their ally! May I become their sanctuary! May I become their abode! May I become their defender!
May it be so!
Take it light.
Metta+++,
Kim✨
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