If you’re just joining us for this month’s theme, please read the earlier posts:
→ Introduction
→ Week 1 Instructions
→ Week 2 Instructions
→ Week 3 Instructions
While students were quietly sitting in the Zendo, my old Zen teacher used to shout at us, “Trust yourself! And I don’t mean trust your thoughts!”
It always made me laugh, because I and so many people I know are constantly trusting our thoughts to get us out of difficulty or into happiness. We believe if we make plans and account for every possible contingency, we can make things go the way we want them to go. And then, when things inevitably don’t turn out the way we wish, we blame ourselves and become self-critical and angry.
If you’re doing this, you’re creating an exhausting and frustrating cycle of suffering. That’s because no matter how hard you try to use your thoughts to control what happens, it’s impossible to insure that life unfolds the way you want it to. Because it’s simply not all up to you — no matter what you think.
So, instead of forcing and demanding things go a certain way and then beating yourself up when they don’t, a better strategy is to develop self-trust. This is a type of trust not in your intellect or ideas, but rather in your capacity to be present with whatever is happening right now. It’s also trust in your wisdom; your ability to see clearly without bias, confusion, or grasping.
Going forward, what tools will you use to stop being so hard on yourself? Set an intention to be kinder and gentler to your feelings. Make a plan that includes formal meditation practice as well as daily life exercises like taking a breath when you feel self-judgement and blame, and saying “hello and welcome”whenever you hear and feel your inner critic.
Today’s meditation will help you cultivate this sense of trust. It will encourage you to stop clinging to your thoughts, ideas, and plans, and just experience your open, spacious and clear nature. It’s shorter than my usual audio recordings — just over 10 minutes long, because I’d like you to practice it often. Plan to listen to it at least 3x each day for the next week, and discuss your experience with us in our chat 💬!
It's happening! My new book comes out next week!
Happy Relationships has lots of useful practices you can use to deepen your bond with the people you love. I hope you’ll order it, and if you like it, leave a review! This really helps readers find my book and tells booksellers it’s worth promoting.
What must we do to develop confidence? We must understand that day and night, throughout the entire dimension of our lives, there is no difference between the meditation experience and the postmeditation experience.
—Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, translated by Ani Jinpa Palmo
My friends, I’ve had an awful cold this week and finally feeling a little bit less tired today. Thank you all for practicing together this cold January! The recordings for Why Am I So Hard on Myself are freely available until Monday, February 3rd—that’s when our next theme, How to Have Happy Relationships (based on my new book!) will begin! Remember, if you’d like to access all the meditations in the archive and support your local meditation teacher (aka me), please become a Paid Subscriber!
May our efforts alleviate the suffering of all beings. Sabbe satta sukhi hontu. May it be so!
Metta+++,
Kim✨
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